Awards, why i have none

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Well, actually I do have one.

"Commonwealth Photographic Awards 2000 - Special Mention"

The theme was "freedom", very ironic to what I am about to talk about.

Anyway, I was amazed when i received the notification, I thought I was the next big thing in the global photography industry,and I was very appreciative of the 150 pounds voucher enclosed in the notification. They asked for a bigger print of my entry, and a photograph of myself.

"I am getting famous!" I thought.

Naive.

I tore the envelope to pieces when they finally send me the magazine that features the winners' work inside. In less than 4 seconds, I found my photo and my passport photo printed clearly in a magazine that circulates in all commonwealth countries. Being too engrossed in the fact that I won something in photography, i took a look at the magazine everyday for 2 weeks before my sleep at night.

Maybe, it's because of this, I started to realize something.

I forgot which placing it was, i think it was one of the top 3 winners.

"Why did this guy win?" I thought then.

It was a very tight shot of the face of a muslim gal floating on the surface of water, smiling. Sure, happy = freedom, but top 3? ha!

For a moment, i did not felt quite good about being chosen as a special mention by the same judges who chose this photo to be top 3. And then, I took a moment to read the photographer's motivation...well for 2 weeks i was only looking at my photo in the magazine.

And then I began to appreciate why it was top 3, females in muslim basically have no rights. And this short simple pleasure enjoyed by this muslim gal is a short and precious moment of freedom from the fact she is in a muslim world.

Although i could appreciate the reason behind, I thought top 3 is still way too kind. To me, when i was 23, a good photograph should have very interesting lines, composition, contrast. The meaning behind the photograph is a factor to consider but not the main thing to judge on.

Being a undergraduate skipping lectures and tutorials, I had too much time. I started looking at awards winning photographs.

80% of the pictures i saw, would win nothing if I am the judge. However, the winning photographs all fit in the judging criterias, just not my criteria. Does this mean if I want to win another award, I have to start shooting for the judges? Does it mean I have to know the judges more, understand the judging process better and etc etc.

And then, awards, why do I need them?

The main reason why I used my holiday part time work salary to buy my first camera, is to shoot pictures that I like...I remembered very clearly. If I ever have to please anyone with my pictures, the first person is MYSELF, anybody esles likes my pictures is a bonus.

I stopped taking part in any photography competition, awards etc...no matter how attractive the prizes are. Films are expensive, so are the chemicals, photographic papers, time to chase skirts, time to sleep beyond the morning magic hours, all these are expensive oppotunieties costs that I cannot justify to myself to make pictures to please judges. Since then, I only make pictures I like. Occasionally, I got a few praises here and there from friends on my pictures, a few "yucks" and "eewww" from friends, but I was cool about it.

I understand, just like how i may disagree with the judges in competitions, how I may dislike a certain picture in a magazine, newspaper, advertisements, books, there will be people thinking my best works sucks. One man's meat is another man's poison.

Although I know I can't please everyone with my pictures if i insist to please myself first, there is a few guys I hope that they can at least think my picture is "ok".

Ken Seet, a photographer that I have always liked his works.

Ken Seet was kind enough to grant me a meeting at his cosy home one day, he did not say "good" or "bad" to any of my pictures. He said "I like" or "I don't like". And he said something that till today, I always keep it in my mind when I was shooting any of my own personal project.

"If you can express something better in words, then do it in words, write it out, or say it out, don't use photography. If you use photography, do it such that no other media can better express what you want to express. Then you are really using photography right"

I thought what he said was so true, because the poster I saw in Goldcoast that first triggered my interest in photography, is really beyond words. However, that is to say maybe only people who shares the same "eye" as me would find my works "good", and it makes taking part in any competition more meaningless.

The hard truth came when I decide to become a professional photographer.

"Have you won any awards?" It is a very common question that pops up in meetings arranged thru my cold calls.

When I say I have none, i can sense that they minus some points from my score inside their skull, not matter how good or bad my portfolio was.

For a while, I thought maybei should start joining some competition and get some recognition. After all, just treat it as a job to earn money. Being a professional photographer, means you deliver what your clients needs to get paid.

However, meeting a few special kind of clients made me change my mind.

Clients who specifically like my personal works, and gave me considerable amount of decision making authority based on my persoanl works, and did not ask me what I have win before.

As days go by, I came up with this theory.

If clients ask me about awards, then they are not the "ideal" client. Meaning probably they do not know much about aesthetics and the photography art form, thus they need to base their judgement on other people's judgement. For clients like this, it's about an "award race". And to win just one more award than the other photographers that are also pitching, I would probably end up hating photography

If clients do not ask me about awards, then...good! I don't have to add one more thing I hate to do in my sorry life.

A few weeks ago, there was a gal who asked me if I had won any photography related awards, I said "No".

She started telling me about a photograph that win a competition and how much she can relate to the photograph, to the point that she is touched.

Unfortunately, when she describe the photograph to me, i wasn't impressed, but i can see why it win in that competition.

"Why don't you take some pictures and join some competition, you should try to make pictures that make people feel touched"

And then, a few weeks later, I finally found time to sit down and write this entry in my website.

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unproven theories of rolento

photography | film | theories | rolento