Why marry?
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There's a period of time after my graduation and before I finally decided on what the f@#k i wanted to do with my life, I was very very very free.
During that time, I got not much money, so the library is a place I like to go to because it's cheap(free actually), there are a good collection of photography books, the second hand camera shops are nearby, and there are always pretty girls going to the library to do homework.
I was particular interested about marriage during that period of time. Not wanting to get married, but something always make me wonder. Who is the smart ass that comes up with the concept of marriage in the human history?
Surprisingly, I could not find that information in the library's sea of books, but in that process of finding more about that person, reading social journals, researches, I made up my mind about something.
There is no point in marriage.
Many people marry for security, you sign on a legal binding document to love a particular person forever, and technically, he or she is the only person you are legally allowed to have sex with after the document takes effect. This is a clause that many females welcomed. Her hubby WILL/CAN ONLY/MUST/IS LEGALLY BOUND to love her only, just like in the movies, the hero promised the beauty "I will love you forever".
How romantic...not really.
If a guy really loves a girl, the document is not needed to ENSURE/MAKE SURE/LEGALLY THREATEN him to do so. Similarly, if he do not love his wife anymore, he will make 10 divorces to get rid of her if they married 10 times in 10 different countries.
And what kind of security are we talking about here when we allow divorce?
if divorce is not allowed and classified as a criminal crime liable to death sentence, then yes, i fully agree that he will at the very least provide for you till death, either natural, accident or death sentence, do you guys apart.
"The document at least safeguard the financial interest of the girl if the guy decides to leave her "
Then, I would say "Hey, you are marrying for the wrong reason. You should marry your parents"
A promise to love someone is very very hard to keep. Biologically, men are designed to spread our wild oats as much as possible. this is designed/drilled/encoded/ into our system since living things start to propogate through sexual reproduction. That will give the human race a higher probabily of an offspring stronger/fitter than its parents. Nature's selection will ensure the fittest survive, therefore, if human race reproduce and create a identical offspring, without any chances of a stronger offspring, we will eventually die off.
So, asking a man or a woman to "love" someone forever is technically not possible. A better word for it would be "controlled to love" you forever. Is that the spirit of marriage that we know? "I will only love you, although I also love X, Y but maybe just not as much"
"Humans are not animals, we are one up because we are more civilized than animals and we know when to do and not to do certain things"
Please...get off your moral high horse. Human are animals, and in certain ways, more desirable than any other living things in the animal kingdom.(Pollution, extinction of other races, wasting earth's resources like its yours etc etc)
Anyway, we will talk more about civilized life now. Loving someone forever is an ideal, but most of the time not practical. In today's urban city lifestyle, people changes, lifestyles changes, habbits changes, your handphone changes, your diet changes, even your career paths changes, let alone what attracts you. And i always believe we need a different kind of boyfriend/girlfriend in different stages of our lifes. in rough age segments, as below
1) 16-22 we need a playmate. guys need a gal that he can chase, gals need guys that chase.
2) 23-29 we need a playmate but also someone to talk to about the new worklife, new friends and new environment
3) 30-35 we need someone who knows what they want in life, companion, career, lifestyle etc
4) 36 onwards...i am too young to guess, because my group of friends do not include those yet. but that should be a good age to marry if you chose to follow the flow.
anyway, i am sure you get my point. someone SUITABLE for you in the twenties need not be the same one in your thirties. you change, so does he/her. if he/her do not change according to who you need, you guys have to go seperate ways. most of the time, this can be a no bad blood break up. i have seen many such examples before. still friends
If you think about it, you do not gain much after marriage beside a paper document. Nowadays, I think it is not a good idea to marry before cohabiting. because marriage is about living together, not just dating anymore. that includes knowing your partners' most undesirable information like shitting, wearing home clothes, living patterns, ugly sides. but then again, if cohabiting already works fine and couples are happy already, then what's the point of marriage ?
"Cohabiting is a disgrace to your families, and not allowed in some societies. you guys will be seen as loose people"
if that's one of the reason/factor/motivation to marry, i am sure it wont last, at least not as happy as can be. Love is between two people, not two families and the society. who you decide to be with is really not your parents' business. they can give advice, but they SHOULD NOT deter your decisions. after all, you are the one staying with the person, not your parents.
Marriage is a concept for uneducated men a few thousand years ago. at least, it was invented then in many forms. 1 hubby many wives, 1 wife many hubbies, big brother marrying sister in law if small brother dies, etc etc etc. in fact, there are suggestions from researchers that marriage is a concept developed for economics purposes, with units of workforce(or families) easier to identify with. which is why a brother can married a widowed sister-in-law, so the workforce unit is complete with a male.
but now, as we get more civilized, educated, and thinking, marriage is not neccsary anymore. we will stay with one person forever if he/she is the right one without marriage, and we will leave someone if he/she is not the right one after marriage. there are living examples from both sides that i personally know.
Global divorce rate is 48% (figures from a journal i read in 2002), and that does not include couples who are not happy together but chose not to divorce due to financial commitments, housing commitments and many other reasons not pertaining directly to the relationship itself. so that means, every couple have a close to 50/50 chance to of a divorce...ouch!
However, if you are getting married, I still wish you a very happy marriage life...........................and good luck...you will need it.
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unproven theories of rolento
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